Take Two
by Aarana
Summary: A film crew is able to sneak into Sailor Moon studios during the filming of Sailor Moon. What in the world are they going to find?


A/N: This is a fiction that my friend Alyssa and I wrote during our creative writing class in HS, passing it back and forth. I had a ton of fun making it, and while the humor is out there....it definitely holds a special place. This required very little editing, so for the most part it is untouched from the original. First written and published back in 2001. So as a disclaimer, some of these references are positively ancient, yet I couldn't bear to change a word.

* * *

KellyMae: Hi, all! This is Kelly Mae, also known as Aarana! I am insane and high on cough medicine! Hence the parody. I emphasize parody! I love Sailor Moon, so this was just for fun! _*Giggle*_ Enjoy! NOTE: We the authors do not own anyone. (Not even ourselves!!)

Alyssa Kay: Hi, all! I'm Alyssa Kay, also known as... AlyssaKay... Anyway, I'm a Cabbit loving, French speaking, Japanese learning, Anime adoring, insane American. Because this is my first fanfic, don't yell at me for it, it is just for fun! No offense meant, as it is purely for kicks!

_*KellyMae Kicks Alyssa Kay*_

Alyssa Kay: Ouch! My poor leg!

KellyMae: Leg?

Alyssa Kay: You kicked it!

KellyMae: I didn't mean to kick your LEG.

Alyssa Kay: Um... Let's just start this FunnyFic, shall we?

KellyMae: You grab the camera; I'll get the Microphone! Let's get ourselves a behind the scenes look at Sailor Moon Studios!

Alyssa Kay:_ *Picks up camera*_ Oomph! Dang, this thing's heavy! _*Looks at fence surrounding SM Studios*_ Um, Kelly? We don't have a backstage pass. How are we going to get in? _*Thinks, snaps fingers*_ I got it!

KellyMae: Got what?

Alyssa Kay: Up and over! _*Runs at fence, begins to scale*_ Come on, Kelly! Who knows what we're missing in there!

KellyMae: _*Sweat drops*_ Um... Alyssa?

Alyssa Kay: What? Grr, this is hard! Kelly, get me a grappling hook!

KellyMae: Alyssa, the door is open.

Alyssa Kay: D'oh!

_*Alyssa Kay and Kelly Mae enter the building*_

Alyssa Kay: Let's see... Studio 1A... 2A... 3A!! This is it!

_*Kelly silently pushes open the door. Cast and crewmembers watch as Sailor Moon and the Sailor Senshi are being filmed transforming*_

KellyMae: _*Whispering*_ This is so cool! I thought that the SFX  
were done post production!

Alyssa Kay: _*Snags a doughnut from a table laden with food*_ Yum!

KellyMae: ALYSSA!!

Alyssa Kay: *Finishes doughnut* Gomen! _*Fiddles with camera*_ You're on in five...four...three...two...one!

**TAKE TWO**

A FunnyFic By KellyMae and Alyssa Kay

KellyMae: Hello! This is ASMRN; A Sailor Moon Romance News. I'm your host Kelly Mae, and Alyssa Kay is on camera.

Alyssa Kay: Yo.

KellyMae: We are on location at Sailor Moon Studios where an episode of Sailor Moon is currently being dubbed. We have here a backstage pass-

_*Alyssa Kay Coughs*_

KellyMae: -So let's take a look!

Moon: On behalf of the moon... I'll vanquish you!

Dir: CUT!!

Moon: _*Looks at Director*_ What?

Dir: That's not in the script!

Moon: Well, I had thought I could spice it up a bit.

Dir: No, no, no! Sailor Moon! You KNOW that you are not supposed to ad lib! You know we have enough trouble with the fans that gripe about the translations of SUB to DUB! We don't need to add fuel to their fire!

Mars: Yeah, Moon brain! Keep to the script, will ya!

Moon: Shut up, Mars! It's not as if you are actually acting, it is just all-natural!

Mars: Why, you!

Dir: People, please, can we get on with this? We've got a bunch of sniveling brats waiting for this overdeveloped, very predictable episode, where nothing happens, there is a battle with a youma, you get beat up, Tuxedo Kamen saves you, and it all ends in a smile!

Moon: How can it end in a smile? Half my co-stars are CROSS DRESSERS!!

Jupiter: So now you're gonna diss the Starlights?

Mercury: Someone's a Prima Donna!

Uranus: _*To Moon*_ Hey! I should take offense to that remark...but I am in too good of a mood._ *Straightens clothes*_

Moon: Um... You have lipstick on your cheek.

Neptune: Hey...I don't wear that color...

Dir: People! I don't care about your over analytical lives that are similarly like the authors of this story!

Alyssa Kay: Hey, is he talking about us?

KellyMae: Alyssa, keep it down!

Neptune: But then who's lipstick-

Mars: Who cares! All that matters are the little children who want this episode... we can't disappoint them...

Venus: You mean you can't disappoint that deadbeat husband of yours who is always suspiciously low on cash and high on something.

Moon: Yeah, where is Tuxedo Kamen?

Mars: Leave him out of this!! All right, so long as we are on the topic of dead weight, where is your "Precious Princess"?

Moon: Umm...

Mercury: Still at Betty Ford? Can't keep the worthless pink-haired brat off of her "sugar"?

Dir: You know that that topic is off limits! Chibi-Usa will be back on the set as soon as her... "Vacation" is over. Until then we have-

_*Enter Gary Coleman, wearing pink wig and sailor fuku*_

Jupiter: You've got to be kidding!

Gary C: Mommy! _*Hugs Moon's leg*_

Moon: AHHHHH!!! Get it off me! GET IT OFF ME!! _*Flailing*_

Jupiter: _*Snickering*_ Something you want to tell us Moon?

Moon: Shut up, Jupiter! But...you know... There was this one guy...

_*Enter Tuxedo Kamen, drunk with his shirt hanging out, mask half off*_

Tuxedo: Where's my lovely wife? Hic

Venus:_ *Muttering*_ Where's your lovely paycheck you mean.

Moon: There is no way I am shooting any love scenes with that stumbling kegger over there!

Tuxedo: Baby, you know you would _*Licks lips* _and you would love it too.

Mars: Hey, honey!

Tuxedo: Come 'ere and give me a hug!

_*Mars gives Tuxedo Kamen a hug, and Tuxedo Kamen slips her wallet out of her fuku*_

Tuxedo: Thank you, honey.

Mercury: _*Snickering*_ Looking for love, Tux?

Venus: _*Mutters* _In the bottom of a bottle, maybe.

Mars: What did you say? You've got something to say- say it!

Jupiter: Hey Mars! Don't get your skirts in a ruffle!

Moon: Yeah, let Tux do it for you!

Alyssa Kay: Me-ow!

KellyMae: _*Whispering harshly*_ Would you be quiet?!?

Alyssa Kay: Gomen, Kelly-Chan!

Mars: Why I aughta-

Dir: PEOPLE! Leave the fighting for the stunt doubles. The tension does wonders, though, on camera. And do you know what? THAT is where you are all supposed to be! On STAGE! FILMING! You know? That job? The one that you are all contracted under?!

Moon: Contract? What contract?

Mercury: Nothing to worry your pretty little brainless head over.

Moon: Will I still get all my pretty clothes?

Dir: If you ACT...

Moon: Let's get it on!

_*Moon gets in front of the cheesy pink and blue background*_

Moon: In the name of the Moon Kingdom-

Dir: CUT!! Dang it girl! One would think that after 157 episodes that you would be able to get it right when you are told! Must it take 57.5 takes?!?

Moon: Sorry! Let's run it again!

Stage Hand: We can't, we're out of film.

Pluto: Can't you do anything right?!

Moon: _*Crying*_ Waaaa! I'm _*Sniff*_ so _*Sniff*_ sorry _*Sniff*_ Waaaahh!

Mars: Moon, would you please drop the act.

Moon: Oh, okay,

Gary C: Don't cry, mommy!

Moon: Damn it! I am not your mother.

Jupiter: Baby cakes, there is something I need to tell you...

Gary C: Are you my mommy?

Jupiter: No, not really... You see... um... Well, I...

Gary C: Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Jup?

Venus: I'm your mother.

Dir: That's it! You guys! Jerry Springer is being filmed in 2B! We can all go done there and-

Moon: Been there-

Tuxedo: -done that.

Jupiter: _*Grins*_ That AMV was fun! _*Gets hit by Uranus*_ Ow!

Uranus: Shut up, Sweetheart!

Gary C: You know, Venus, you can't be my mother.

Venus: Why not?

Gary C: You're not old enough!

Venus: Huh?

Oprah: And because I'm his mother!

Alyssa Kay: _*Whispering*_ Whoa! Where did she come from? How did she get past us?

KellyMae: _*Shrugging*_ Don't ask, just film, I guess.

Moon: Oprah! _*Runs over*_ I'm such a fan!!

Oprah: Yes, always in the way.

Gary C: If you are my mother, then who is my fath-

Jupiter: Just drop it, kid.

Oprah: Well, I have got to go sue a cow company so that I can get richer, and famouser, and get more ratings since Jerky Springhole stole 'em all.

Neptune: That's Jerry Springer.

Oprah: Whatever. _*Heads toward exit*_

Gary C: Wait! I have issues that need to be resolved!

Oprah: Bye squirt!

Gary C: But I need your help to get over my feelings of abandonment!

_*Exit Oprah. Gary C. begins wailing*_

Mercury: Even if he's not your kid, he's got your lungs, Moon!

Tuxedo: Would you shut up, kid? I've got a hangover!

_*Gary C. steps on Tuxedo Kamen's foot*_

Gary C: Not the Momma!

Mars: Put a sock in it, kid.

Moon: Jeez, this kid is worse than the REAL Chibi-Usa!

Gary C: I am not a kid! I'm in my forties!

Mercury: Ahhh...But... Then... How could your father be-?

Jupiter: Can it, dweeb!

Mercury: Shove it up your-

Dir: THAT IS IT!!! Everyone, step into my office!

Venus: Why?

Dir: 'Cause you're fired!

Minna: FIRED?!?

Dir: Yes fired! I don't care if Sailor Moon is a multi-million dollar industry!

Moon: Millions? I was being paid five dollars an episode!

Dir: Umm... That's not THAT different...

Moon: Oh, okay. But what about my side job as your-

Dir: That's it! All I ever wanted to do was film Cadbury Bunny Egg commercials! But nooooo! I had to get stuck with a stupid anime with a stupid DUB cast!

Mercury: Hey, it is not a stupid anime!

Gary C: I'm just on loan!

Moon: I was being paid five dollars an episode!

Mars: You aren't anything without us!

Tuxedo: You can't do this to me! ...Er...Them!

Dir: Chuck, bring in the replacements!

Minna: REPLACEMENTS?!?

_*Enter Michael, from Barney and Friends*_

Michael: I'm the new Tuxedo Kamen!

_*Tuxedo faints/passes out*_

_*Enter Sarah Michelle Geller*_

SMG: I'm Sailor Moon, and on behalf of the Moon, I'll stake you!

Moon: WOW!! Can I have your autograph? Wait, YOU can't play ME! What about Buffy?

SMG: Did you honestly think I would keep the role as Buffy on UPN?

_*Enter Salem the Cat*_

Salem: I'll be taking Luna's role.

Mercury: But she was never a problem!

Moon: Says you! You obviously never found a purple hairball in YOUR  
trailer!

Venus: What about the Luna/Artemis relationship?

Salem: The producers said that we need to beat out Will and Grace, so we're still lovers, only male.

Gary C: What about Diana?

Salem: Adopted.

_*Enter Rachael Lee Cook*_

RLC: _*Reading script*_ I'm the "Mercury Sailor Scout".

Mercury: Damn the pretty ones.

RLC: _*Looks up*_ Hey, isn't Mercury a planet?

_*Enter Jennifer Love Hewitt*_

JLH: I'm Jupiter!

Jupiter: I'm sure that you don't have what's under THIS  
skirt...or...maybe you DO...

Mars: What's with all the freaking three named people?

JLH: _*Flips hair*_ It's because we are all beautiful, and special, and have great hair, and-

Mercury: Not a brain underneath!

JLH: I have some!

Jupiter: Emphasis on SOME!

JLH: _*Hits Jupiter*_ Ow! I broke a nail!

Jupiter: You expect to be me with that punch? _*Laughs*_

JLH: No, I won't be a slut!

Alyssa Kay: Ooh! The action's heating up!

KellyMae: Alyssa Kay, shush!

Jupiter: Just who are you calling a slut?!

Tuxedo: _*Coming to*_ Jupiter, we still on for Friday?

Mars: NANI!?!

Jupiter: So long as you can afford-

Tuxedo: Ah, love muffin, give me a hug!

_*Mars gives Tuxedo Kamen a hug. Tuxedo Kamen slips checkbook out of Mars' fuku*_

Tuxedo: Thanks honey!

_*Enter Angelina Jolie*_

AJ: I will be playing the role of Mars.

Tuxedo: Wow! It's Hottie Jolie!

Mars: _*Hits Tuxedo Kamen*_ You-!

_*Tuxedo Kamen heads toward Angelina Jolie, slips on some sparkle dust and feathers left over from Sailor Moon's transformation and falls to the ground. Tuxedo Kamen passes out, again*_

_*Enter Brittany Spears*_

BS: I'll be Venus!

Jupiter: Oh, baby, baby!

Venus: Hit you GLADLY one more time!

Mercury: Or more times if you beg...

Venus: What was that, Merc?

Mercury: Nothing...

BS: _*Sticks out chest*_ I got these on loan.

Jupiter: And you are PROUD of that?

Alyssa Kay: Jupiter one, Brittany Spears, zero!

KellyMae: Zip it!

BS: _*To Jupiter*_ I have more sex appeal than you'll ever have!

Venus: You have more SEX than she'll ever have.

Mercury: _*Muttering*_ And that's a lot!

Moon: Huh?

Mercury: Never mind...

BS: Hey all, I'm still a virgin!

_*Minna breaks out into hysterical laughter*_

Minna: "Sure!" "Uh-huh!" "We believe you, really!"

Dir: Hey, why are you doing this to poor Brittany? You are all fired!

SMG: I am?

Moon: You already did that.

Dir: Well... Um... Then... You are all fired- in triplicate!

Mars: Is that possible?

_*Tuxedo Kamen comes to, again*_

Tuxedo: Hey, boss! _*Throws arm around Director's shoulder*_ When's filming?

Dir: EVERYBODY OUT!!!

Alyssa Kay: Does that mean us?

KellyMae: No, we are not everyone, we're the authors! We leave this story, this story ends! Nada!

Alyssa Kay: I don't want it to end! It's too weird to end yet!

KellyMae: Well, we do have to end it sometime... There is only so much Sailor Moon to make fun of. The only thing left is the kitchen sink!

Alyssa Kay: Well, the kitchen sink is SO big-

Kelly Mae: _*Elbow stomps Alyssa Kay on the head*_ Shut up!

Alyssa Kay: Ouch!

KellyMae: Shhh!

Dir: Hey, you two, there!

Alyssa Kay: Whoops! Er...um... TeeHee?

KellyMae: Great, Alyssa Kay, NOW you've done it!

_*Minna slowly approach Alyssa Kay and Kelly Mae*_

Alyssa Kay: _*Slowly lowers camera and backs away*_ Kelly, they can't  
hurt us can they?

KellyMae: _*Backing up*_...

Alyssa Kay: 'Cause we're the authors, right?

KellyMae: ...Alyssa? RUN!

* * *

One year later, this Fanfic was found.


End file.
